Activism Advertising Advice columns Agreements Anthropology Art Autobiographies Bisexual Books Book reviews by me Buddhist Celebrities Children College Comics Coming out Conferences Critics of poly Dating Feminism Gay GLBT Heinlein History Humor Jealousy Jewelry/Pins/Clothing Jewish Kids Leftist/Anarchist Legal Lesbian Marriage Merch Metamours Millennials Movies/plays Music Open marriage Plays Politics Poly 101 Polys of color Polygamy Radio Relationship anarchy Religion/spirituality Research Science Fiction Showtime Season 1 Showtime Season 2 Songs Spaceflight Speeches by me STDs Supreme Court: Obergefell Supreme Court: Windsor Swinging The Next Generation Theory Therapists TV ...Not that there's anything inherently problematic about a couple looking for a hot bi third, to follow up yesterday's post. The point is, everyone gets to decide for themselves, [including as time goes on and things change], and they don’t get placed in a role they didn’t have a part of creating.Believe me, I can understand wanting to minimize the chance of getting hurt in a relationship, the problem is, you can’t.Through my own relationship experience and as a Sex and Intimacy Coach I am acutely aware that part of being in a long-term relationship is dealing with the fact that people are different, and want different things.This is what starts the negative connotations of the word.I will use words like “usually” and “typically” because there are people out there who don’t relate to this definition at all. Typically this established couple is searching for a woman to date both of them.I wrote to Penny&Marco and am in contact with them and I've been offering them some advice based on my experiences as a "unicorn" (by the more accepted female definition) in NYC and thought maybe you'd be interested in hearing my advice and sharing it with your readers.I've been reading your column for the last 14 years and am so indescribably grateful for your advice that I have to offer at any opportunity I might have to help by sharing my experiences. The problem is that you have to stay on the site for a few months in order for it to adapt to your needs (e.g.
However, there are a lot of pitfalls to watch out for on your way.... Many times these [mistakes] are not malicious, and if you start a discussion with a couple that displays one or two of these, it can be fixed before it becomes a problem.I have now been both the hunter and the prey – a unicorn and unicorn hunter. I came out as bisexual my freshman year in college.I can speak from a unique vantage point and say that I feel completely at peace with my cannibalistic nature. It was 1992 at UC Santa Cruz, a gay mecca if there ever were one and I was embraced with open arms – sort of.The queer community was amazing at UCSC and, because I was dating only women at the time, it was easy to be mistaken for a lesbian.I met so many wonderful, queer people who were exploring themselves and their sexuality and, occasionally, in groups of lesbians, I was privy to a slew of bi-phobic and derisive comments, “I’m never dating a bisexual again,” and, “I don’t think she’s even gay,” and, with a disgusted emphasis on the word man, “She left her for a man”.